so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
