I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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