I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
