She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
