I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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