He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
