Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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