I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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