i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
