sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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