This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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