Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
