K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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