I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
