My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
