sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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