I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
