I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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