Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
