SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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