Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize