your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
