I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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