My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Vodka?
Forever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
