I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
