I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
