I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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