I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
