i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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