So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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