The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
