My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
