Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think i got beer on your cat.
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