forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
