haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
