He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
