he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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