omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
