my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
