the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
