Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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