he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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