After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
