She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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