So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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