Tell her she can't have a vagina
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
