I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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