Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
