you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Randomize
