I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
