So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
