She's JV to your varsity
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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