last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
