this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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