I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
