And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
