Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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