I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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