I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
