Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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