The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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