Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
