Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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