I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
