so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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