I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
where am i from again
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
