Kiss
Puke
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
