Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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