Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
