FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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