I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
